I would like to thank this post that got me thinking about posting this post. Post. http://www.scarymommy.com/dont-get-mom-culture/
I am a mom. I am many other things as well, being a mom does not completely define me. But as other moms know, you NEED mom friends. Friends who get the reason you are tired even though your kids are older. Friends who can help with carpooling and who understand why you need your kids to have a week-long play date at the other mom’s house.
In addition, you need non-mom friends — friends who, by choice or not, do not have kids. Because you need to have a conversation not about kids. Conversations about work, music, and whether or not a spoon can be used to eat anything.
I don’t know if it’s just the way adult friendships work or what, but with all my great mom friends out there, I many times feel very alone.
Before you get all group-huggy on me, understand that I am not saying this because I need to moms to hang out with me more or to make people feel guilty for not hanging out with me. Even though I am an extrovert and love to socialize, I often politely decline a lot of invitations to events and outings because I am just not part of the normal mommy culture.
I first became aware of the wine mommy culture when my daughter was in preschool. The preschool had a family party and served wine on the playground. I raised my eyebrows, but whatever, most of the parents seemed to like it. Now I see “Wine Wednesday” is it “Wine O’Clock” or “The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.” Reminds me of the song by the Rolling Stones called “Mother’s Little Helper.”
I very rarely drink. If I get an alcoholic beverage, it’s usually a daiquiri and that is enough to make my head spin. I used to be able to hold a couple of drinks down without a problem, but not so much now. I am also on medication that really doesn’t interact well with alcohol.
I don’t like paint and wine parties. I don’t like wine festivals because I stand around in the heat/rain getting bumped by tipsy drinkers while I just stand there holding coats. Same with beer festivals.
I am not anti-alcohol, but my way of dealing with kids who are getting on my last nerve is to shut myself up in my room and read a book. I am not shaming, but I want people to know it’s not just something I do. I have even had moms say to me “Oh yeah, you don’t drink” not in a sarcastic way, but kind of like that is not the norm for moms.
I HATE group exercise. Mostly because I am fat and out of shape and when I run I am basically going as fast as the average walker. 80 year old walker. OK, 80 year old with a walker. I am uncoordinated and I don’t have nice looking exercise clothes. I have ripped shorts and a big t-shirt. I admire, I mean to the point of just in awe, of women who run together, walk together, do Jazzercise, and more with friends. And these people hold conversations while doing it! If I were to exercise with a friend, the conversation would consist of them constantly asking if I was OK, was I going to puke, and do they need to call 911. For the most part though, exercise is me time. I put on my podcasts and go — slowly.
Multi-level marketing/home parties
I do not do LuLaRoe, Tupperware, Thirty-One, Pampered Chef, or adult toy parties. I know a lot of friends do. I get that. At first I would go to the parties to help a friend out. But then the sales pressure from the person selling and my guilt for just not wanting any of the stuff and just going for the free food has gotten to me. I am basically wasting your time by going. If you need people just to show up and not buy, let me know.
I don’t shop for fun. It’s not fun. It’s a chore. Unless it’s at a bookstore. Then you will see some damage.
What some moms will probably never get about me
I never complain about my husband to others. Period. Maybe a little snide comment here and there, but if we are having issues over something, it is our business, not other people’s.
On the other hand, my life isn’t all wine (ha) and roses. I do have a wonderful husband and kids, but they are not the best thing EVAR in the world! At least I don’t post about that all the time on social media. If you ask me how things are going, be ready for a true answer. Don’t ask if you don’t want to know.
I have a sick sense of humor. Wait — many of you moms get that. Carry on.
I don’t censor bad language in media. The kids hear it at school. I just tell them to ask me what it means if they have questions. I also let them know if something is a bad word or not. Confound it!
I love true crime podcasts. Yes, I did listen to that podcast about the kid who was killed who was the same age as my child. Did it bother me? Yeah, but I am not a panicked parent.
For example, a guy from another city recently exposed himself outside of my son’s school. The kids were ushered inside while the police took care of the guy (he was a registered sex offender). I laughed with another parent about it — mostly making size jokes. I am sure some moms would be shocked. I don’t freak out about outbreaks of illnesses or if a school is on lockdown. I can only worry about so much and some things are out of my control. I teach my kids what they need to know to be safe and go from there.
I am lazy.
If you need help, I will be there for you. I don’t do the quid pro quo thing either. I don’t keep track of who I did what for — I just understand that parenting is overwhelming and when life throws a curve ball at you sometimes you need to call on a friend.